[Poll] How's Your life?

Sinnwolf wrote:

To be honest, I feel really bad with all of these posts. This thread seems to be the "Listen to how much a depressed, annoying person Cain is." I should probably stop talking soon as no one likes being around someone like me, especially when it comes to this kinda' thing...at least that is something I have learned, observed, and experienced.

where did you get this from? of course we like you!

oh yeah please excuse all my short messages. I'm not very good at writing long, deep ones. Weird though because I can say it realy well in person.

You hurt my feelings Cain, Lol. We don't say you are annoying because it just isn't true. People who need help get help. Anyone who can help should help. That's my way of life. o.o

I understand that meaning. Those who you show affection to ends up screwing you. It happened to me before too. DX But I moved through that. Although it was mentally and spiritually painful (to no extent where my heart felt like lead), I somehow succeeded. People reached out for me who actually cared (ex: Your community members! XD ).

I know what you mean by the experience of 'listen how blah blah blah is' and stuff, but hey, when you are the object of that situation, you know how it feels. Once you have that experience, you try to prevent it from happening again... it was a horrible experience no one should have since it basically betrays friendship and stuff...

As long as you still have some belief that things will and can get better, counseling works. I'd know. I helped a bipolar friend once to get past the pain and to move on in life when I was 12 - 13.

Sorry if I sound like I'm rambling. My eyes hurt from school so I am barely able to open my eyes, haha. xD But hey, as long as I can help a friend in need, it's worth it.

wow everybody's so good at writing long messages.....

anyways Cain always remember you have us.

and Before go eat some carrots. lol. jkjk you don't have to.

Sinnwolf wrote:

Neo/Before:
Unfortunately I can't help but close myself off (well currently it's more-so: it's hard not to) after all the crap I went through and continue to go through. It's those very same people that were supposedly "giving me affection" (or trying to) that screwed me the most. The others that I once lived for were the ones who ended me! The very people who I gave my affection to for the first time in my life ruined me! It's both "You know better" and "as if!". A lot of me is just plain ruined--mentally and spiritually. Luckily, physically, I am getting back in shape, but that will be to no avail soon I'm sure.

In the event that it crashes down here, which it already has a few times, then I'll probably just stop posting or make one final post saying something along the lines of "It was fun. I hope you all the best in the future." It's what I had to do recently with my two "friends" over the summer which ultimately ruined me (and continues to do so), so it's nothing new.

Neo, we'll see. Counseling...well let's just say it is near impossible for me. People only hear the very surface of my problems usually, never anything deep. The only time someone got close to seeing the deeper stuff was when we were all slightly intoxicated and having this "deep" talk. Which also made me feel like crap because it was more focused on me than anything.

To be honest, I feel really bad with all of these posts. This thread seems to be the "Listen to how much a depressed, annoying person Cain is." I should probably stop talking soon as no one likes being around someone like me, especially when it comes to this kinda' thing...at least that is something I have learned, observed, and experienced. I'll just see what happens with therapy on Wednesday, I guess.

Dear God, Cain, Dear GOD! You make us sound like callous, uncaring people who think a bit of emotion as annoyance!
I understand you could be ruined mentally. I understand you could be ruined spiritually. I understand your cynicism in trusting other human beings...
But you need not LIVE for anyone else! If it's that painful, just keep an apathetic outlook most of the time. If we crash down on you, I swear to you, I will find who ruined your time here and never relent on what idiocy they committed. If I crash down on you, I probably will be guilt-ridden for every day I am on here.
Those who hear the deeper parts of your emotions...ah, that's tricky. Some may laugh and point at your true feelings. However, I am fairly sure/pretty sure that none of us here are laughing at the pain you feel. That's like watching someone get their limbs cut off and stand there, laughing like a maniac.
When people focus on you, it could be a BAD thing if they're making sport of you, but when they truly care about what you feel, what pain you feel, how to alleviate it...
And "Listen to how much a depressed, annoying person Cain is?" Never say things like that again. If someone thinks that, they can just get their idiotic eyes off of this thread right now. I am fairly sure in saying NONE of us feel like that. If we do, we're unworthy of even posting here, or even speaking to you!

...That was a tad emotional. e-e
Hm...
Once nobody starts liking you, ha, let's see that happen in this century. Unless you suddenly turn into a sadistic, uncaring monster one random day, that's NOT going to happen. Hell, how you are RIGHT NOW is fine with us! We won't hate an introvert, ya know?

First and foremost, I am horribly sorry for offending you all. I was speaking according to how I feel, so I hope you all can understand and bear with/ forgive me. I will admit this is beyond ridiculous...in a REALLY good way. I can't thank you all enough. I really hope that you mean it as I am going to [try and] believe it as well. Things are getting a little better, but yea...well therapy starts tomorrow, and I should be able to get things straightened (still, the whole "You know better" thing likes to mess with me).

One of the difficulties of moving beyond those people is that they have all been pretty influential people in my life. I thought I did it when I got to high school, but everything I learned is from the times before that. Unfortunately, that I didn't move on from like I had thought I did. Plus, the end of high school and this past summer did not help. Then again, it's a work in progress...as is a lot of my perceptions of things. -_-

Ninja: No worries. I give you props for being able to say it in person, because writing it down and editing is so much easier.

Again, thanks guys. I do want to apologize for keeping this thread a little ridiculous, but I know it has helped get some of my spirits back up, even if it's just a little bit.

Woops I mean as from Zeru's point of view not mine.

EDIT: Okay, I just decided to read the whole post this time, and didn't realized how serious this had become.

Hmm okay lets see where should I start...
First I deleted the suicidal option, I didn't see it as anything since it felt as a "sarcastic" option.
Anyway you're not the only one Cain.
It may be a bit off but I will say it, I had also experienced several suicidal thoughts before a long time ago, not just twice. Several different internal and external factors between my family and school got to a extreme point I just couldn't take it anymore. I had no one to support me, not my own family, nor actual real "friends" to give me a hand on.
I also was being harrased by people since due to several factors. I also share the same concept of "friends" as you do. People generally take it as anyone I'm friendly with is a friend, but its more than that. Using the term that way can lead you to your own pain and destruction, they can betray you and steal from you, in which had happened to me before. There's only a very few people I know that I would consider as a real friend from my heart, and I do trust them, but they're just way tooo far like 10k km from me? Been years since I had a last physical contact with them, next time I meet them I want to play the games we used to play no matter how childish is!

Anyway Since I had no one close for me to give me a hand I standed for myself. It wasn't easy but still, no matter how hard life looked I still didn't give up? Okay that sounded a bit cheesy but still I had realized a lot of things and maybe become stronger. I've ignored any negative things people said about me, other people's opinion (from family to any human being) didn't matter to me either (except honest positive ones).
Also your philosophy of: "Just keep going. Things will happen. It does not matter whether they are good or bad. Things will just happen."
I will say it is true but also false at the same time. Things do happen, but it is up to you to make it good or not. The mayority of things that happens in your life is up to your choices, (think of it as Serene's arc of Hakura's it might be a bit of funny to think it this way or off but...anyway) Its really up to you to make things to happen the good way or not, ofcourse there are those that are unavoideble. But the ability of choosing a better outcome of a situation is in your hands. Just think carefully what you're trying to do.

Working hard? True sometimes it can be unavoideble and things can happen. But still you should try your best to fight back and build back what you had, I don't know what happened to you but still if you can't get back try something else you can also enjoy. I mean I WORKED HARD FOR FS AND FSII!

Forever hated and forever alone, eeeehhh you're becoming one of those flying head/hair/body monsters I've defeated in the Underworld. Those kind of people are not strong and just think negatively, making their lives worse. And it is NOT true. You're not alone Cain, not everyone hates you, there will ALWAYS be people that would care for you even if you don't know them yet. You also have us the FS comunity, we don't hate you, we will be there for you. And I will say it, you can trust us (or at least me 8D, jk you can trust the forumers too!) from your heart. I will swear upon my own life and FS project on it. I'm not the kind of person who would betray for my own benefit.

Life can sometimes take you down any time without you expecting but you should always stand up and fight back, and trying to create a better world for yourself even if you are the last man standing (AoE 3 vs 1 anyone?).

And yeah its been several years since the last time I had those thoughts, I try to be careful with what I do and avoid bad outcomes.
The results were like decent for me, those who harrased got suspended and got a heavy bad mark in their academic future studies, I left a scar on them. As for my family I try to build it up, and make them change their ways, and we try to be closer as a family. As for me I try to be optimistic and do the right choices to create a better "happy" world for myself. (Also if I'm dead what would happen to the FS project!? Zeru and Seto would be mad at me.)


So in conclusion...

99 SLASHES OF THE FIRE DRAGON BACK ON WHATEVER YOU'RE FIGHTING ON! (wait that's my signature attack!)

Zeru wrote:

And it is NOT true. You're not alone Cain, not everyone hates you, there will ALWAYS be people that would care for you even if you don't know them yet. You also have us the FS comunity, we don't hate you, we will be there for you. And I will say it, you can trust us (or at least me 8D, jk you can trust the forumers too!) from your heart. I will swear upon my own life and FS project on it. I'm not the kind of person who would betray for my own benefit.

you can trust me too.

the only untrustworthy thing I've significantly done is scam myself in maplestory. I bought a Zak Helm from myself for 4 mesos :D

Remember, life is never perfect. I can completely relate.......

but try to look at the bright side of your life! For example..... you have food, shelter, water, that stuff.....

many, MANY people in this world can't say that.

Zeru: O.O
Seriously, that post was incredible. It's REALLY difficult to write a response. I would never have guessed a decent similarity would appear any time soon. I'm getting better, even with this injury putting a major damper on my spirits. I'm definitely more willing to keep going and trying to make a little more fun out of things. My counselor today even reassured me that I'm doing what you said: rebuilding what I had, if not better than before. I've just got a bunch of kinks to work out, but hey, that's life for you. Also, I'm sure as hell glad you worked as hard as you did for FS and FSII. I wouldn't have been able to be apart of such an awesome community (which is even more awesome now) if it weren't for that!

Ninja: It's ok. You're allowed to "scam" (I personally say treat haha) yourself every now and then. I appreciate the kind words, but I will say, that argument is a little bit stale (at least to me it is)--I have heard it too many times.

In any case, THANKS a ton guys. I'm definitely getting my spirits back, and hopefully I can keep them up (relatively)!

Sinnwolf wrote:

Ninja: It's ok. You're allowed to "scam" (I personally say treat haha) yourself every now and then. I appreciate the kind words, but I will say, that argument is a little bit stale (at least to me it is)--I have heard it too many times.

heheheheh.....scamtreat......

oh yea sorry for the argument being a little stale. I don't know you like super well, so I can't give like a perfect example. But anyways hey no problem. I'm open any time you're feeling down. It's great you are getting your spirits back though!

Whoa. Zeru extended his post. O-o

You're welcome Cain. :)
Ty for removing the suicidal choice before Zeru. :)

Zeru, I don't think anyone could have said it better than you.

If someone feels that depressed they can talk to me :)

who voted living luxury?

7% of the people did.

yea i meant who was the person?

lol probably like an 8 year old...

It's 6% now. Lol

Writing an essay at the moment. Yes. At 2:28 AM.
I can't believe I'm writing about one joyful/painful event.
Deja Vu? ._.'' Weird how my life has so many coincidences...

yay late night experience, just dont sleep at all! -jk-